Bike ride

A few nights ago I was biking home drunk from the house of a boy who "loves me but just isn't sexually attracted" because barbaraholm.com. On my way I stopped at a store, parked my bike, with the intention of buying ice cream and a frozen pizza and eating all of it.... throw up food, you get it... I even locked up my bike, but after crying in the parking lot for a minute, I got back on my bike and went home, without going in, passing up on the opportunity to binge and purge. I couldn't have done that a year ago. I made a choice not to fall off the wagon. I choose to be strong, because I wanted to. It was a hard moment for me, and even more difficult to admit, because if I admitted I had that capacity to make the choice for myself, I was letting everyone down every time I had fallen off the wagon and every time I may fall off it in the future. I was afraid if I told people this entire time I have had the willpower, that everyone would be mad at me for every time I have fallen and every time I will again. But, I am on the wagon for me, and no one will be mad the next time I fall off. The only one I will be letting down, really, is myself.